You Might Be a Dispatcher If . . . . .

You have the bladder capacity of 5 people

You get impatient listening to other people telling a story—you want “just the facts”

You believe 90% of people do not know how to look up a phone number

Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery with injuries resulting in a high speed chase and a multiple trauma accident with two patients airlifted to a regional trauma center

You get easily bored with happy and contended people

You have perfected the phrase, “I pay taxes, too.”

You can talk on the phone, listen to the radio, and type a request into the computer at the same time without missing anything

You think it’s funny when a would-be suicide gets bored waiting for the gas from the stove to do it’s thing and lights a cigarette to pass the time resulting in an explosion that leaves her neighbors homeless but she still survives

You can give directions to any location in town off the top of your head and recite the address of any 7-Eleven, Farm Store, or bar in the area

You can tell a 10-minute story over a two-hour time period after many interruptions without losing your place; or, you can follow a story told in like manner

You see stress as a normal state of life

You refuse to allow anyone to say “Have a quiet shift.”

Your friends and neighbors call you for legal advice.

You know the address of every restaurant or pizza place in town that delivers food after hours, especially really late at night

You view caffeine as one of the major nutritional minerals

You have answered your phone at home at least once with, “911, what is your emergency?”

You think pizza, cookies, and a soda are a balanced meal.

You tell cops where to go without fear or intimidation.

You spell everything phonetically.

You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock, as in, “Yes, I have an appointment at 1430.”